Humor, post dine bilder/filmer og tekster her!

[Psyko-lefse]

Tenkte jeg skulle lage en tråd i dette forumet også, noen må jo begynne. Uansett, en humor-tråd er noe som trengs når regnværet setter inn, og vinden hindrer all form for flyging, bortsett fra ufrivillig. Så kommer du over en morsom film, ett spill, bilder eller tekster, post det her, er ikke sikkert vi andre har sett det

Og ja, en regel, ikke informer verden om at den er "old" o.l




http://www.break.com/articles/windowcave.html

[joo]

Fant et par morsomme og uskyldige filmer mens jeg søkte etter slepe-info.

Denne første viser hvordan man vanligvis IKKE bedriver sleping, men gutta prøver jo, all ære for det... : http://www.numbthumbsandloopy.net/im...ingo_crash.wmv

Her er en finfin med rett musikk (Bad Moon rising!) som viser en del dyrere "crash" enn vi vanligvis klarer med modellflya våre, men det er snakk om flyrelaterte saker: http://www.numbthumbsandloopy.net/im...opMishaps1.WMV Må innrømme jeg falt litt for denne siste, minner litt om alt ikke-publisert stoff rundt "secret weapons" fra WW2

[Celtic-Griffin]

Try these you guys....

Air Racing and Aviation Humor Cartoons by: Keith "Kraz" Krasnowski index

[Psyko-lefse]

It was one of the simple deals: We teach you to fly, Then you fly for us for 2 years.

Tom and his Co-Pilot ended up doing island-hopping in some small turbo-prop machines. Twin-Otters and the like I think... thier cargo was mostly German holiday makers, most often at retirement age...

Tom and CP would often wait for thier allocated take-off slot while sitting in the first two passenger seats. While they were sat there, wearing bermuda shorts and offensivly colourful shirts, it wasn't unusual for the passengers to file in and take their seats.

On one particular day, They'd had thier take-off time shifted, but thier cargo of tourists had been loaded at the original time... 10 minutes later (at the correct time) The tourists ehere starting to grumble about the lack of pilots as thier radio cracked as the 'tower' told them it was time to get started.

Tom stood up, winked at his CP and said "well, If no-one is going to come and fly this thing, I'll bloody well do it!!" and sauntered off into the cockpit. He was followed closely by his poker-faced Co-Pilot who said "It's got two seats up there right? I've always wanted to fly a plane!! Wait for me, I want a go too!!"

It took a couple of minutes to go through the pre-flights and start the engines, and as they taxied towards the runway a german tourist came hurtling through into the cockpit screaming at them, and he was followed by two others who where hell-bent upon stopping and restraining the two "crazy brits" that were about to attempt to fly a plane for the first time...

They explained the joke, but the resulting complaint saw them grounded for a few weeks (on full pay... because thier boss thought it was the funniest thing he'd heard about for ages)

[Celtic-Griffin]

Here's a sick one...

"A small two-seater Cessna 152 plane crashed into a cemetery early this afternoon in central Poland. Polish search and rescue workers have recovered 300 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the evening."

[Psyko-lefse]

This CFI and his Student are holding on the runway for departing cross traffic when suddenly a deer runs out of the nearby woods, stops in the middle of the runway, and just stands there looking at them.

Tower: Cessna XXX cleared for take-off.

Student: "What should I do? What should I do?"
Instructor: "What do you think you should do?"

(think-think-think)

Student: "Maybe if I taxi toward him it'll scare him away."
Instructor: "That's a good idea."

(Taxis toward deer, but deer is macho, and holds position.)

Tower: Cessna XXX cleared for take-off, runway NN.

Student: "What should I do? What should I do?"
Instructor: "What do you think you should do?"

(think-think-think)

Student: "Maybe I should tell the tower."
Instructor: "That's a good idea."
Student: Cessna XXX, uh, there's a deer down here on the runway.

(long pause)

Tower: Roger XXX, hold your position. Deer on runway NN cleared for immediate departure.

(Two seconds, and then--I presume by coincidence--the deer bolts from the runway, and runs back into the woods.)

Tower: Cessna XXX cleared for departure, runway NN. Caution wake turbulence, departing deer.

It had to be tough keeping that Cessna rolling straight for take-off.

[Explorer]

This is reported to have appeared in the current issue of Australian
Aviation Magazine.

RULES OF THE AIR
1. Every takeoff is optional. Every landing is mandatory.
2. If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger. If you pull the stick back, they get smaller. That is, unless you keep pulling the stick all the way back, then they get bigger again.
3. Flying isn't dangerous. Crashing is what's dangerous.
4. It's always better to be down here wishing you were up there than up there wishing you were down here.
5. The ONLY time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.
6. The propeller is just a big fan in front of the plane used to keep the pilot cool. When it stops, you can actually watch the pilot start sweating.
7. When in doubt, hold on to your altitude. No one has ever collided with the sky.
8. A 'good' landing is one from which you can walk away. A 'great' landing is one after which they can use the plane again.
9. Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to make all of them yourself.
10. You know you've landed with the wheels up if it takes full power to taxi to the ramp.
11. The probability of survival is inversely proportional to the angle of arrival. Large angle of arrival, small probability of survival and vice versa.
12. Never let an aircraft take you somewhere your brain didn't get to five minutes earlier.
13. Stay out of clouds. The silver lining everyone keeps talking about might be another airplane going in the opposite direction. Reliable sources also report that mountains have been known to hide out in clouds.
14. Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number of take offs you've made.
15. There are three simple rules for making a smooth landing. Unfortunately no one knows what they are.
16. You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck.
17. Helicopters can't fly; they're just so ugly the earth repels them.
18. If all you can see out of the window is ground that's going round and round and all you can hear is commotion coming from the passenger compartment, things are not at all as they should be.
19. In the ongoing battle between objects made of aluminum going hundreds of miles per hour and the ground going zero miles per hour, the ground has yet to lose.
20. Good judgment comes from experience. Unfortunately, the experience usually comes from bad judgment.
21. It's always a good idea to keep the pointy end going forward as much as possible.
22. Keep looking around. There's always something you've missed.
23. Remember, gravity is not just a good idea. It's the law. And it's not subject to repeal.
24. The three most useless things to a pilot are the altitude above you, runway behind you, and a tenth of a second ago.

[Psyko-lefse]

A man was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-hour drink when an
exceptionally gorgeous and sexy young woman entered. She was so striking
that the man could not take his eyes off her.

The young woman noticed his overly-attentive stare and walked directly
toward him. Before he could offer his apologies for being so rude, the
young woman said to him, "I'll do anything, absolutely anything, that you
want me to do, no matter how kinky, for £100 on one condition".

Flabbergasted, the man asked what the condition was. The young woman
replied, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words".

He quickly pulled his wallet from his pocket and slowly counted out five £20
notes, which he pressed into the young woman's hand. He looked into her
eyes and slowly, meaningfully said.................

.........

..........

"Paint my house"

[TK]

Hugi.is - Forsíða

og




A blonde pilot decided she wanted to learn how to fly a helicopter. She went to the airport, but the only one available was a solo-helicopter. The Instructor figured he could let her go up alone since she was already a pilot for small planes and he could instruct her via radio.

So up the blonde went. She reached 1,000 feet and everything was going smoothly. She reached 2,000 feet. The blonde and the Instructor kept talking via radio. Everything was running smoothly. At 3,000 feet the helicopter suddenly came down quickly! It skimmed the top of some trees and crash landed in the woods. The Instructor jumped into his jeep and rushed out to see if the blonde was okay.

As he reached the edge of the woods, the blonde was walking out.

"What happened?" the Instructor asked. "All was going so well until you reached 3,000 feet. What happened then?"

"Well," began the blonde, "I got cold. So I turned off the big fan."

[erlend]

Widerøekapteinen hadde til vane for å drive ap med AFIS på kortbanenettet i Nord-Norge. Når han nærmet seg flyplassen og skulle kalle opp tårnet pleide han bare å si Guess who?? Etter en tid begynte en AFIS på en ikke navngitt flyplass å se seg lei på den noe overlegene oppførselen. En sen vinterdag under noe dårlige forhold var Widerøe på tur inn mot denne flyplassen og Kapteinen kalte opp tårnet med "guess who?". AFIS svarte dermed med å slå av alt av lys på flyplassen før han så svarte Widerøes Twin Otter med "guess where?"....
-------------

There was a young F-15 pilot flying escort for a B-52 one day. The F-15 pilot, being the young hotshot that he was, challenged the B-52 pilot: "Anything you can do, I can do better" came the challenge over the R/T. The B-52 pilot accepted the challenge, but stayed in level flight for 30 seconds. "So? What did you do?" asked the young F-15 pilot. "I just shut down two engines. Can you do that?" came the reply from the cockpit of the B-52
-------------

Det var en gang 50 svensker, 50 dansker og 50 Normenn som skulle reise med fly til syden.
Flyet var gammelt og skrøpeliggt og hadde ikke gulv, så alle passasjerene måtte holde seg fast i taket.

Noen minutter etter at flyet hadde nådd marsjhøyden mistet det plutselig oppdrift og pilotene informerte om at en av passasjerene måtte ofre seg og hoppe ut av flyet eller så ville alle dø.

Det var selvsakt ingen som ville ofre livet sitt for de andre, men etter en stund sa en av danskene, "Jeg gjør det, jeg hopper. Da klappet alle svenskene!

-------------

"A small two-seater Cessna 152 plane crashed into a cemetery early this afternoon in central Poland. Polish search and rescue workers have recovered 300 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the evening."

Det hører også med til historien at piloten og passasjeren bidrar i gravingen
-------------
Denne er også bra, ikke flyrelatert men høyst aktuell nå som det snart er jul:
http://media.putfile.com/WizardsofWinter-SM

[Psyko-lefse]

http://www.ba.no/nyheter/urix/article1836427.ece
IQ er en fin ting ja...

[Frode S]

Dette er min favoritt flyhumortekst:

Aircraft Maintenance Problems and Solutions. Never let it be said that
ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor.

Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems known as
"squawks," submitted by QANTAS pilots and the solution recorded by
maintenance engineers. By the way Qantas is the only major airline that has
never had an accident.

P = The problem logged by the pilot.
S = The solution and action taken by the engineers.
__________________________________________________

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.
S: Autoland not installed on this aircraft.

P: No. 2 propeller seeping prop fluid.
S: No. 2 propeller seepage normal. Nos. 1, 3 and 4 propellers lack
normal seepage

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on backorder.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-fpm descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windscreen.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with words.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

[purple]

En historie i Celsius

Fant denne på nett en eller anna plass...

En historie i Celsius

+15°C / 59°F
This is as warm as it gets in Norway, so we'll start here.
People in Spain wear winter-coats and gloves.
The Norwegians are out in the sun, getting a tan.

+10°C / 50°F
The French are trying in vain to start their central heating.
The Norwegians plant flowers in their gardens.

+5°C / 41°F
Italian cars won't start.
The Norwegians are cruising in cabriolets.

0°C / 32°F
Distilled water freezes.
The water in Oslo Fjord gets a little thicker.

-5°C / 23°F
People in California almost freeze to death.
The Norwegians have their final barbeque before winter. *

-10°C / 14°F
The Brits start the heat in their houses.
The Norwegians start using long sleeves.

-20°C / -4°F
The Aussies flee from Mallorca.
The Norwegians end their Midsummer celebrations.

Autumn is here.

-30°C / -22°F
People in Greece die from the cold and disappear from the face of the earth.
The Norwegians start drying their laundry indoors.

-40°C / -40°F
Paris start cracking in the cold.
The Norwegians stand in line at the hotdog stands.

-50°C / -58°F
Polar bears start evacuating the North Pole.
The Norwegian army postpones their winter survival training awaiting real winter weather.

-70°C / -94°F
The false Santa moves south.
The Norwegian army goes out on winter survival training.

-183°C / -297.4°F
Microbes in food don't survive.
The Norwegian cows complain that the farmers' hands are cold.

-273°C / -459.4°F
ALL atom-based movent halts.
The Norwegians start saying 'Faen, it's cold outside today.'

-300°C / -508°F
Hell freezes over.
Norway wins the Eurovision Song Contest.

[Theodor]

Fikk denne linken i dag. Synes den var genial!

http://nrk.no/redskap/utskriftsvennlig/5286975.html

[Cessnaknuseren]

Fikk denne linken i dag. Synes den var genial!

http://nrk.no/redskap/utskriftsvennlig/5286975.html

Hehe.....
Meget bra.....Kan ikke benektes att svaret er riktig.

Cessnaknuseren
Bjørn Sandbæk